Don't worry.
Your body will still be beautiful after your pregnancy . . . in a way.
Your husband will still find you sexually attractive . . . sort of.
He won't cheat on you . . . and if he does, it's not the end of the world.
You'll be able to lose the weight . . . probably.
The sagging skin isn't such a big deal.
You brought life into the world - and that makes you beautiful.
You can learn to see beauty in yourself - even if most men don't.
It will all be worth it in the end.
"You're not a real woman until people come out of your vagina and step on your dreams." --Louis CK
This one is much more humorous than the "Male Edition."
ReplyDeleteThanks - although I think that between the two posts, I've exceeded my monthly allowance of smugness.
ReplyDeleteWow, my eyeballs just fell out. Great posts. The male edition rocks, too. And I wouldn't worry about smugness, if I were you. I don't think it's physically possible to outsmug breeders.
ReplyDeleteYou're in good company if you're feeling smug. I just read (in The Conspiracy Against...) that Cioran considered 1) quitting smoking and 2) avoiding breeding as his two most important accomplishments in life (an accomplishment of omission--I love it!) I have long felt the same way about being smart enough not to drink the Kool-Aid and procreate. Why, I'm patting myself on my toned back right now! I consider it poetic justice that twats get mutilated, belly skin scarred, and wallets emptied as results of the unchecked impulse to breed.
ReplyDeleteSo someone did finally get CATHR? Good for you, anon. I ordered my copy almost a month ago, and nothing yet.
ReplyDeleteThe book is buyable at Amazon at this moment.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I have got ugly stretch marks, and I am a guy! Life sucks!